27 april 2007 'suppose' to be a day tat im looking forward since 15 march.

coz i had been going ard and telling ppl tat im going for a 4hr cruise with my company.

yup finally there is a STAR outing since 5 to 8yrs ago.

during these 6weeks and 1 day i had been so damn excited abt it.

i had already said 'suppose' to be a happy one.

but somehow i brought my worryness and sadness up to the cruise.

i still managed to enjoyed myself.

with the funnie emcee.

with the fun games.

with the funniest entertainment shows by our business managers.

with the buffet although i only had 1 round of food coz just dont feel like eating.

with the dance floor disco.

with 1 glass of white wine.

with 10mins of karaoke.

the most impt 1 is the graduation ceremony.

yup.

we all STARs had graduated from level 1.

we got our class photo.

we got our certificate.

we got our pin.

we saw our new uniform.

kinda cool.

another thing tat im looking forward now.

yup.

really thank all of our SAEs.

bosses.

business managers.

business consultants.

and whoever put in the effort, time, , money, countless proposals and bla bla bla.

to let us shine.

to let us enjoy thoroughly during the 4hrs.

without them putting in all these.

we are just NOTHING.

yup.

reallie thank from my bottom of my heart.

(:

aft the cruise.

went home with irene.

ya.

she just live few block away from mine.

she is the event manager.

so wat so ever event she is the one who plan it.

including of cruise outing.

hmm.

had a sort of 'heart-to-heart' talk with her.

like im talking to my boss.

kinda stress.

but told her watever is in my heart.

watever i think of.

ya.

felt much more better.

aft the talk with her.

i really found out tat i so love my store.

everything will think for my store.

nv think for myself.

hais.

actually is a bad thing.

to get promoted to SAE is not a bad idea though.

but.

but..

but...

for me there is just endless of butsss...

anyway.

i will reallie demoralise if she got promoted.

although she is my good friend.

its not the matter of jealousy.

is demoralising.

well it had been abt 2mths ever since i go out supper with them.

hmm.

wat can i describe myself.

im a sensative girl who always have contrudicting feelings.

hais.

when they did not call me out i felt left out.

when they call me out this time round i felt bad.

yup.

indeed i really felt so BAD.

den i found out tat.

different status going out got different feelings.

REALLY VERY sorry tat made u felt disappointed in me.

i really dunno wat else can i do or say other then saying sorry.

im really scared.

im really fear.

im really worried.

still rmb wat i had promised u?

as wat i had said.

a promise means is a promise.

i said it out i will make sure i will do it.

if not i can go bang wall and die.

well since its over le.

no point for me to look back.

and definately im not regretting.

coz if i were to choose to regret anything.

first i will choose to regret is.

y am i here in this world?

so just stop talking abt regretting.

hais.

i so damn hope and wish tat im really thinking too much.

till now i still dont have confidence in myself too.

hais.

wat shall i do to gain more confidence in myself?

missing you is wat i will be doing every day every hr every min every sec.

yup.

its onli you.

now is 0200hrs.

and im still up.

onli i will noe the reason y.